Graduation and mama chat

My Dear Zoe,

My plan was to end your blog when I started your sister's, but I miss talking to the grown-up you. So once in a while, I'll be coming here for a chat. 

In less than 2 weeks, you'll turn 5. We just celebrated your Preschool graduation. Here is a picture of you with your friends Geniva and Olivia. You're smart. I hope you take advantage of that and study. You're an interesting girl. You are very nice, in that you don't make fun of your friends or laugh at them. You question things intelligently and logically. But you are afraid of trying things and you don't push yourself. you don't willingly take on a challenge to achieve something you actually can. Maybe it's a phase. I just don't want fear to get in your way. 

In September, you'll start kindergarten at Daniel Bagley. I know you'll do great. You are very social. 

Since Echo's birth, our time together has naturally decreased. When you ask to play, and you always do, it makes me sad to say no. I try to engage you in activities we all can do together, like helping me in the kitchen, or going on a bike ride while I run next to you, pushing Echo, chatting while I'm preparing meals for the next day, but you are mostly interested in role play. I do my best, but it's not as often as you want. It surprises me that you are not interested in outdoor activities. Many times the surprise turns into disbelief and I feel upset - why don't you want to be running around outside, especially when the weather is beautiful. I get upset when you say you're afraid of bugs. I remind myself that not everyone has to like what I think is fun. Maybe it's a phase, maybe it's the new generation of kids, maybe it's just who you are. And it's fine, as long as fear doesn't hold you back. I've never been into irrational fear, so it's hard to sympathize at an instinct level. But I remind myself that perhaps I've forgotten what it is to be a little kid, or perhaps I had greater threats and fears to manage as a kid, so the fears you have, never entered the picture. But maybe there is a dose of fear we all have to experience, and kids of stable families, have trivial fears... A crazy theory. Socially, you are fearless, and you make us so proud. Wherever we go, if there's a girl more or less your age, you go up to her and try to start friendship. At a coffee shop, you can order your own, and if you have a question at an exhibit, a restaurant or anywhere, you raise your voice and ask. And you always have great questions.

You love me. More than you love papa. And he'll agree. And I love you very much. I hope we stay close always. We'll talk again in a few days, when you turn five.

Love,

Mommy