5th birthday, summer of camps and becoming an observant little smarty pants

My Dear Zoe,

It was your friend Charlie's birthday. Here is a short conversation between you and Charlie's mom that captures your essence - your intelligence, concise articulation, and emotional depth. I am very lucky to have a special daughter like you.

Zoe: My mom got me the same gift she got for Charlie.
Charlie's mom: Is it because you loved it so much?
Zoe: No, it's because she loves me so much.

We celebrated your 5th birthday at the Greenlake Park and Wading Pool with a ton of bunnies to pat. I wanted you to have a special birthday experience. After exploring multiple options, your love of bunnies was just the right clue. I contacted a service that brings bunnies to birthday parties,  and there they were! Several crates of bunnies. I wrote the details in your birthday card, which I put in your memory box.

You like the idea of having a memory box. We each have one. You make special artwork for me and tell me it's for my memory box. You also love art, and know that I love the art you make. You know I want to be a grandmother one day. I think it worries you a little because you don't want to give birth, because it hurts. "I think I'll let Echo give you babies. I'll give you art." It works for me, as long as you are happy. But then you'll have to give up the inexplicable satisfaction of having something like you and Echo in your life.

You've been spending the month of August in camps. You go to a different camp every week. This week is Frozen themed ballet camp, which is close to Echo's school. We drop her off first, and you look so big and act so mature next to her little classmates. Hard to digest that you've grown so much. Next week is Little Explorers Nature Camp.

It's almost the weekend! No work, no camp, just us the family.

Love,
Mommy

Graduation and mama chat

My Dear Zoe,

My plan was to end your blog when I started your sister's, but I miss talking to the grown-up you. So once in a while, I'll be coming here for a chat. 

In less than 2 weeks, you'll turn 5. We just celebrated your Preschool graduation. Here is a picture of you with your friends Geniva and Olivia. You're smart. I hope you take advantage of that and study. You're an interesting girl. You are very nice, in that you don't make fun of your friends or laugh at them. You question things intelligently and logically. But you are afraid of trying things and you don't push yourself. you don't willingly take on a challenge to achieve something you actually can. Maybe it's a phase. I just don't want fear to get in your way. 

In September, you'll start kindergarten at Daniel Bagley. I know you'll do great. You are very social. 

Since Echo's birth, our time together has naturally decreased. When you ask to play, and you always do, it makes me sad to say no. I try to engage you in activities we all can do together, like helping me in the kitchen, or going on a bike ride while I run next to you, pushing Echo, chatting while I'm preparing meals for the next day, but you are mostly interested in role play. I do my best, but it's not as often as you want. It surprises me that you are not interested in outdoor activities. Many times the surprise turns into disbelief and I feel upset - why don't you want to be running around outside, especially when the weather is beautiful. I get upset when you say you're afraid of bugs. I remind myself that not everyone has to like what I think is fun. Maybe it's a phase, maybe it's the new generation of kids, maybe it's just who you are. And it's fine, as long as fear doesn't hold you back. I've never been into irrational fear, so it's hard to sympathize at an instinct level. But I remind myself that perhaps I've forgotten what it is to be a little kid, or perhaps I had greater threats and fears to manage as a kid, so the fears you have, never entered the picture. But maybe there is a dose of fear we all have to experience, and kids of stable families, have trivial fears... A crazy theory. Socially, you are fearless, and you make us so proud. Wherever we go, if there's a girl more or less your age, you go up to her and try to start friendship. At a coffee shop, you can order your own, and if you have a question at an exhibit, a restaurant or anywhere, you raise your voice and ask. And you always have great questions.

You love me. More than you love papa. And he'll agree. And I love you very much. I hope we stay close always. We'll talk again in a few days, when you turn five.

Love,

Mommy