Christening

Given the multiple religions - and the lack of - in our family, let me first put minds at ease by stating that this blog entry is not about baptismal ceremony but about your pooping habits.

Baby Zoe, every time we put a new outfit on you, you pass an epic poop that stains it. Ten times out of ten this happens in public. I have witnesses to prove it.

Last Saturday we all dressed up for dinner at a nice restaurant. Dad and I wanted to show our appreciation to Grandma Roza for being great help with you, and with household chores. We put you in a new, elegant Overall sent by Grandma Maria, accented by little butterflies made of tutu. You wore matching booties and a bow.

The waiter brought the bread, which was your cue to start eating. Within fifteen minutes, your butt thundered, followed by the slimy wetness on my lap. My dress too, was new. We wrapped you in a napkin, and ran to the bathroom. The Austrian restaurant was not equipped for bombardments, so we changed you on the floor where you also peed and laughed. You spent the rest of the evening wrapped in a blanket I had in your diaper bag.

Two days later we were at a small department store with Grandma Roza. Sure enough, the moment we stepped in, you ripped a mega poop. Again, the place was not equipped for baby bombers. We changed you on a bench outside the bathroom, carrying yards of wet paper towels back and forth, since baby wipes give you major butt rash. The unexpected cooler temperatures caught the inexperienced mom (me) unprepared. The spare clothes I had in your diaper bag were not warm enough for the day. Grandma Roza panicked. I stayed calm, knowing that in America, if I want to buy something, I can, anywhere, any time, as long as I'm OK with poor quality. I surveyed the environment and pointed us toward the baby section at the store. In the meantime,  you started crying for food, since you like to eat after diaper change. We pulled down a few sets of clothes from the racks, quickly evaluating our color, size and style options, chose a 2-piece set, tore off the tags, dressed you on the floor, sat down on one of the stools for sale, and started feeding, avoiding the gazes of employees "discretely" hovering around us.

A while later Grandma Roza said you looked too tight in those clothes, and pulled a 3-piece set from the hanger that was larger in size. We removed the clothes you were wearing, which we haven't paid for yet.  Should I neglect to mention that you drooled on the shirt just as I was pulling it off your head? We dressed you with 2 out of the 3 newer pieces included in the set. We left the drooled-on set at the store - no shame. Before we were able to reach the cash register, your butt thundered again and you soiled everything, including your carrying seat. Grandma Roza and I looked at each other, concerned about the security cameras - The baboon family with two crazy women tearing tags of clothes and a baby that poops on everything. We just wanted to get out of there before they threw us out. We changed you in the parking lot, on a patch of grass that divides the parking aisles. Grandma Roza took off her undershirt and put it on your seat so you don't feel wet. We put on you the last remaining clothing item of the 3-piece set. By the time we came home, you pooped on it too. And so we learned that Zoe christens every new piece of clothing she wears.

Love,
Mommy.