Your friends from the sea

Baby Zoe,

When you get sleepy we put you in bed and turn on the Mobile that hangs above your crib. It plays classical music mixed with ocean sounds, as three sea creatures gently move above your head, and you fall into slumber... So we think.

We leave the room, closing the door behind us. In 20 minutes or so we hear you cry. The mobile has completed its cycle. The fish have stopped swimming. You haven't fallen asleep. You want to see more. This happens every time, no matter how sleepy you are. You are fascinated by your friends from the sea.

You quietly follow the movements of the jelly fish, the sea horse, and the good old fish, and move your legs and arms to the music.

When you see us watch, you laugh. You make the cutest sounds.

When your back is turned to your friends, and you only hear the music, you are slightly more likely to fall asleep... after you put up a long battle to fight sleep off. Shhhh...

Grandmother Roza

Grandmother Roza came from the land of flying carpets, anise-scented nights and minarets stretched down into the shimmering waters where the fish dance.

Grandma Roza spends the mornings with you, while I'm at work. She sings to you and tells you about her life, my childhood and the dinner menu. She takes you to long walks in your stroller. You, like an army commander, yell each time she stops to rest. Even if you are asleep... you wake up and yell. So she walks on.

If you don't feel like going for a walk, Grandma Roza spends hours on a chair, holding you on her chest while you sleep. If she tries to put you in bed, you wake up and yell. So she keeps holding you hours at a time, as you sleep like a lamb.

Grandma Roza taught you to pull your tongue out, which you learned quickly, and practice at every chance. It's on me to find a way to teach you that this is not an appropriate behavior in public. Grandma Roza also changes your diapers and washes your butt in the sink like we do. She smothers your butt with layers of paste, just in case, blaming us for not being able to relate to rash pain which, she claims, adults get too.

Grandma Roza is afraid of cats. She can't leave the room if there is a cat somewhere between her and the door.  The other day she jumped of her chair and almost flipped her plate over because Alcatraz walked in her direction. Very strange, but the point is that staying with two cats is torture for her, and she puts up with it to be with you.

Your new specs

My baby Zoe,

You had your 2-month doctor's visit yesterday. You have grown. Here are your new specs:

Weight: 4.8kg (10lb, 9oz)
Height 58.5cm (23")

You also got vaccinated against Diphteria, Tetanus, Pertussis, and Rotavirus You were very stoic. It hurt. I saw the pain in your face, but you didn't shed a tear. My little warrior.

At 2 months, in America they customarily vaccinate babies against 8 diseases. There is also an alternative schedule where vaccines are spaced out more. I asked for that alternative, not to overload you with bacteria.

180 degrees

Little baby Zoe!

You have achieved a milestone today. You rolled from your belly, all the way to your back. And you're only two months old. Exactly two months old today! Happy birthday.

You've been practicing this move for the past few days - landing on your side each time. Today, you made it to your back. You were half asleep the entire time, struggling your way through the rotation. You didn't look happy, though. Was it too much effort? Did you not like how it felt on your back? Did you want to flip back on your belly but didn't know how? My little gyro. You are so strong. You are too young for this move. Next, you'll be running with Mommy. I love you. Look at yourself in this picture. My adorable kidney bean. Knocked your sock out.

I tried to put this post up before midnight, so it shows as September 15, but I missed it by a few seconds.

Kiss, Mommy.

Meal companion

Baby Zoe,

He who eats alone, chokes alone, they say. And you must know this already, since every time we eat, you want to eat too.

Whether at home or at a restaurant, even if you nursed ten minutes earlier, when you see us eat, you start fussing, looking for the boob, then crying, if you don't get what you want. I learned to quickly latch you on, as your Dad cuts my food into small pieces, edible with one hand. If we are at a restaurant, I change my seat to face a wall, and cover you with a napkin, if there's one, to protect you from food stains. By the time you're done, it's time for the check.You're learning fast. At home, just by seeing us set the table, you know it's meal time.

I asked your Dad to take this picture specifically, to show it to you when you grow up, as I give you the parental speech about "all the sacrifices I made for you." - Love, Mommy.

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Back with you

Little Zoe,

Starting Monday, I will be with you in the afternoons. I asked my boss to work from home part of the day, to maintain milk supply. Being with you stimulates production. I figured it'd be fine, since most people I interact with are in other states. She refused, as she could not measure performance if I worked from home half the day. So I decided to use my unpaid leave, referred to as Bonding Time. I'd think performing my job would be more important than her measuring it... When you grow up, be the highest level female at work.

I wonder if you'll notice the change.You've been acting differently since I returned to work. When you see me, you want to nurse, even if it's not feeding time. When I came home yesterday, you made a move to the boob. I ignored it, since you had over an hour until the next meal. You gave me a look, which I didn't understand, and started crying. Eventually I figured that you wanted to nurse, and that mystery look meant that you took offence at me for not offering my breast. I'm sorry, little struggle bunny. It takes time to learn your ways.

As well-deserved of its name, we will fill our Bonding Time with fun activities. We'll take walks to greet your animal friends - the squirrels, the birds, and the deer, we'll run around the lake once you fit in the jogging stroller, and visit Dad at work for lunch. We'll also take grandma Roza to restaurants she likes. She's been taking care of you while I'm at work. More on your adventures with grandma Roza in another blog entry...

By the way, I ordered this outfit for you today. Can't wait to see you wear it.

Love,
Mommy.

First day at work

My little baby Zoe,

I returned to work today, leaving the tiny you at home with your grandmother Roza. You are only seven week old. I don't know of any other civilized country where maternity leave is only six weeks. I don't know how you feel about this, but it's a horrible experience for a mom. I'm not there to comfort you, to feed you, to play with you and make you laugh. And I'm not there to watch you grow, get stronger and gain awareness. I miss watching you sleep. I miss your facial expressions. Yes, you do have a few already. Happiness, curiosity, concern, and the "I need to poop soon" face. They put so much emphasis on breast feeding in this country, yet laws force companies  to allow only for six weeks of maternity leave. Yes, work dries up the milk as well as the soul sometimes. I drove home to feed you at lunch break. When I said good bye, you kept your eyes on me until I disappeared behind the door. I'll be crying for the rest of the day. Maybe I'm making a mistake. It feels so not worth it to leave you.

Love
Mommy