You are 4 years old and a big sister

My Dear Zoe,

You waited long for these two days. For the day you'd be a big sister and for your 4th birthday. "I want a sister so I have someone to play with," you said. And everyday toward the end of my pregnancy you asked if we were going to the hospital "now". Every "not yet" was a big disappointment, until Echo finally arrived. You watched her birth in the hospital, one eye on the show that was playing on your tablet, the other on the birth scene. "Mom! A baby just came out of your snooch!" you exclaimed, when the doctor pulled out Echo.

The next day, as soon as we got home from the hospital, you set up a tea party for you and Echo. Against your expectations, a new born Echo does not make an ideal playmate, but we still have our fun together. You love it when I hold Echo toward your chest as if she is look for milk. "No Echo, I don't have milk in my boob," you say, and ask me to "do it again." You have a blast when I make Echo inquire about what you're eating, and ask you to put a bite in her mouth. "Put it right here," she says, pointing her hand to her mouth. "No Echo, you can't eat yet. You can only have mama's milk," you say, and of course, ask me to "do it again!"

The challenge with your birthday was your unfamiliarity with the concept of time. seasons, months, weeks ended up being confusing concepts to describe when your birthday is going to be. You knew your birthday was in summer time. "It's not supposed to be chilly today. It's summer! I said" "Is it summer today??? you asked. "It's supposed to be, but it certainly doesn't feel like it," I said. "Is it my birthday?!" you asked with excitement. "No," I said. "Your birthday is in July 15, and tried to explain to you that Summer lasts more than one day. You knew your birthday was in July, When your friend Maja had her birthday a week before yours, you were in tears, thinking you could not have a birthday in July, because now Maja took your place. Almost everyday you asked me if it was your birthday. It is frustrating to hear that question daily, and have to say no to your sad little face, disappointed as if I didn't keep my promise.

Finally the day arrived. Including your extended family, we all put extra effort into your birthday this year, probably to make sure you still feel special, given that you're not an only child anymore. We celebrated your birthday at home on July 15 exactly, and on the weekend, we had a super party for your classmates by the Green Lake Wading Pool. It was the best party ever. Not only the kids had fun, but also the parents.

It is now time to start a blog for your sister, and integrate your memories. She will never know what it's like to have all the attention as an only child, but with a good sister like you, she will always have a friend, and so will you. When she sees you, she already smiles ear to ear. I look forward to the future of our happy, complete family.

Love,
Mommy.

Waiting for your little sister

My little love,

Any day now, you'll be a big sister. You're excited, curious and maybe a little jealous.
You play in your sister's room sometimes, and carry the toys and books from her room to yours. Most of them were yours when you were a baby. We tell you that the toys belong to both of you, and so do the rooms, and you two can play and sleep in any room you want.

You like playing with mommy - tea parties, orphaned baby bunny that needs to be rescued from the animal shelter, dress-up, you like to help me cook, paint your nails, and you like to talk, like a little humming bird. Between work and housework, I do what I can, because I know, nothing's more fun than playing with mommy. But with pregnancy, it's harder. Sometimes I'm glad we have a tablet where you can watch a show. Sometimes I tell you that I need to sit on the couch a bit until my belly feels better. Doesn't always work, but sometimes you understand that I'm uncomfortable, and you caress my belly and my arms like a caring little mom.

We'll try to have a lot of fun together when your sister Echo comes. We'll laugh at her stinky poop as we change her diapers, and wash her butt together, making funny faces, to make her laugh. I'll spend a lot of time with her nursing, and helping her grow. You'll probably be a little jealous at first, and maybe annoyed when she cries. But I will still love you more than anything in the whole wide world. I will also love Echo, just as much. And Echo will think you are the best thing on earth, and will follow you, and try to be like you. She will bring you a gift.

"What should Echo bring you as a gift, Zoe?"
"Just love. Real love."
"She will love you a lot. But she also wants to bring you a gift when she is born. Maybe a toy."
"Apple White."

I wanted to have multiple gifts for you from Echo when she is born. So I bought a dress-up game of stickers. But you found it already. I should have hid it better. You didn't find the "Apple White" doll yet. She'll be waiting for you at the hospital room.

I will also start a blog for Echo, introducing her to the world, because she is part of our family too. Your life will be part of hers, and we'll record your joint adventures in that one blog. She'll never have a chance to be the only special one, but papa and I will make sure she gets a fair chance in life as you continue to be loved. I know everything will be fine, because you already know we love you and so will Echo. Here is her hand, saying "Hello!"

Love,

Mommy.

Fears, bravery and other adventures

"Mommy what day is it today?"
"It's Monday."
"Is it daycare day?"
"Yes, it's the first day of the week."
"I don't want to go to school!"

Lately, we've been having this conversation almost daily. I prefer that papa drops you off in the mornings. When I drop you off, you are sad, don't want to mingle with your friends, and don't let me go. I understand, but I don't want you to be sad.

Nonna and Nonno came to visit. One Saturday, we left you with Nonna and went to look for kitchen cabinets and flooring. We brought you along a few times before, but each time it was a waste of time. You'd complain that you are bored and hungry, and bored and bored, and not let us look, think and ask questions. Finally we could take our time, consider options, and make decisions. We called you a few times so you know we haven't forgotten you. I missed you and I felt torn, but it was also nice to have lunch with dad without you climbing on me and talking all the time. When we came back home you said "I missed yu today. Don't ever leave me." And that was that.

You've been afraid of darkness lately. You wanted to come to our bedroom, but was afraid to walk up in the dark, because of monsters. So you cried, and cried. We told you to not be afraid, and just come up, but you wanted me to come down to get you instead. We don't want you to be afraid of darkness. So we resisted and insisted that you come up. After a frustrating back and forth, I heard you say "take a deep breath." Then we heard you stumping up the stairs, screaming, stumping with big assertive steps. And there you were - upstairs. We were proud of you.

After bath, papa ties a towel around you hair. You love it, I think because this is something mommy does to her hair, and also because we comment on how beautiful you look. You run to me with a beaming smile, to show off your beauty, and I hug you. One such evening, you ran to me again, I took you on my lap, and you said "tell me you are beautiful," "tell me you are gorgeous." So I did. The happier you became, the more beautiful you looked.

You still love to role play. "Pretend I"m a baby bunny in the animal shelter. My mommy an daddy died, and they don't give me food or milk or water. You come and take me home."

"Pretend I'm Echo and I drink milk from the boob."

When I make up a fun story, you listen with excitement, and then say "repeat all those words again!"

Your first real injury

My little Zoe,

I was grocery shopping when Papa called. On your way to your Saturday swim class your foot got caught between the bicycle spokes, and got injured. 

"How bad is it?"

"I don't know, but it doesn't look good. We'll go back home."

"I'll come right away."

Sitting behind papa on the bike, you were kicking and kicking, and he told you to put your feet on the pegs, and as you did, your foot got caught and twisted, your pants tore, your shoe came off, and your skin cut. Papa's heart sank. On the way back home, as he pedaled, you kept saying "I'm sorry papa." "I'm sorry papa." Accidents happen Zoe. It wasn't your fault. It's a little tricky to find the foot pegs on that bike with the big paneers hanging on the sides.

When I came home, you were sitting on the toilet seat, watching a show on the tablet, sobbing a little. When you saw me, you were happy, and also worried. You started shaking like you were very cold. Papa already washed your boo boo. We took  you straight to an urgent care clinic. They said the earliest appointment is in the afternoon and sent us to another branch. I sat by you in the car, covered you with my coat, and carried you around. You were brave. It must have hurt a lot, and you were scared, but you didn't cry much. Parents learn helplessness when their child is in pain.

In the waiting room we read a book The Rainbow Fish. You liked the pictures and the story. They sent us to the hospital to get XRays. The wait was long. We read a book about Rover from Sesame Street, and his hat collection, maybe 10 times, maybe more. They took pictures of your foot, and sent us back to the Urgent Care. We showed extra joy that no bone was broken to relieve your fear. It worked. At the urgent care we read the Rainbow Fish again, as they wrapped your foot.

Your foot was like a balloon and you couldn't walk. Good think Nonna was visiting, so you stayed home with her. I left work early every day to come home to you. We took you to our family doctor. A few days passed, which felt like weeks, and papa and I started losing sleep over imagined possibilities.

I scheduled an appointment with a specialist, who confirmed that there was a lot of trauma, but only to your soft tissues, and healing was a matter of time. He gave you a hard boot, so you can start walking. You didn't like it and wanted me to carry you around, until you got used to it, and started thinking it was cool and wanted to wear it all the time.

Your foot is doing a lot better. The swelling is gone, the boo boo is closing, but you still walk funny without the boot - I'm not sure if it hurts, you are afraid to step on it or or you like the attention. I think a little bit of all.

We love you. You scared us so much! 

Your first story

Mommy: "Zoe, let's write a story. You tell me the story, and I will write it down on this note pad"

"Once  upon a time there was a mermaid, a good wolf, a good witch and a good mermaid friend. There were also five fairies in the sky: Lemon Merengue, Blueberry, Strawberry, Little Boo Beep and Sheep. 

The mermaids' names were Cherry and Merry. They loved to swim in the ocean. One day, the good witch snuck into the ocean to find the mermaids. She wanted to play hide and seek. The good wolf was with her. He was her pet.

There was also a bad witch. Her name, Darkness Blackness. The good witch's name was Maya. The bad witch decided to visit the ocean too, to scratch the mermaids' tails, heads and everywhere else. She found the mermaids at the ocean zoo, visiting sea animal and statues. She pretended to be a good witch, and named herself Blackberry. 

She introduced herself to the mermaids and just talked. Then she became a hedgehog, so the mermaids found out that she was a bad witch, and the fairies made her disappear into thin air. When she died, she became an earthquake, and then she became a hawk, a big bad mouse, and a big bad owl. 

The End.

You have always been very articulate, but I'm still surprised you were able to dictate me this story. In your writing, I detect the influence of multiple literary sources - Strawberry Shortcake, Little Mermaid, The Wizard of Oz, and Peep, the cartoon show about a duck a baby bird, and a chick.

It's been about a month since you dictated this story. I wonder if we did the same exercise today, how different the story would be. Let's find out.

Love,

Mommy.