Bed time routine

Little Zoe,

I've been trying to reduce your nursing because "you're a big girl now, and big girls don't use boob," as I try to explain to you, and because it's damaging my bones. So in the last two months we gradually reduced nursing to four, three, and finally two times a day. And in the last four days, we came down to one.

It hasn't been easy, and it's still a struggle. It makes me sad to refuse when you point your finger and ask for "meh" (milk) or "bub" (boob). You insist, and pull my shirt. I give you the speech about big girls not using boob, and look for ways to distract your attention. You are not ready to give up the session right after daycare yet. If I refuse, you cry so much, like your world has collapsed. So I give in. As for the bedtime session, we managed to develop a routine as a substitute for the boob. I can't say it works great, but it is manageable. Here is what we do:

After dinner, we all go to the bathroom and give you a bath. You enjoy playing in the water. Then we put your pajamas on, and go to the big bed. I read you a book. Lately you've been wanting to read "Counting Kisses." With the first line of the book - "My tired little baby, do you need a kiss?" - you bring your head to me for a kiss. When we are done reading, we both put our heads on the pillow and I sing you songs. When you ask for the boob, I give you some milk from a cup, and sing some more. Then I kiss you good night and leave you with Papa. You walk to the edge of the bed, closest to the door and cry "mamma mamma mamma." And cry some more. Against my instinct, I don't respond. From what Papa tells me, you give up, go back to the pillow, put your head down and sleep.

Love,
Mommy

Undocumented

Lovely Zoe,

Some scenes fly by in seconds and I can't capture them in photos or videos. They are priceless, and it's a shame that some things you will never know, and I will never see once you grow.

You take quick steps toward me, arms lifted, hands stretched open, looking straight at my face, smiling big, asking to be hugged up. Just when I'm about to pick you up you say "Ahhh." I have no idea what you mean, but from the tone of it is sounds like "well, it's about time!"

You come to me carrying a book you pick from the shelf. Pointing at it, you ask - "eh? eh?" -  if I would read it to you. Your face too, is a mix of question and anticipation, eyes open big. How can I say no.

When you see me arrive at daycare, your face beams and you point at me. Then you turn to the teacher, excited, still pointing at me, showing her that mommy is here.

There are endless scenes that we try to capture as best we can, but you are already camera aware, so it's never the same as seeing them first hand.

I should mention another scene I did not document. You made a little poop in the bathtub, which I did not record. Instead, I quickly took you out, and set you on your potty, where you finished your business. Luckily, the poop flaked away and dissolved.

Kiss
Mommy